At 19 years of age, my daughter decided she wanted to become a nurse. I was elated that she had found something she enjoyed doing, so I encouraged her to pursue her studies at college. Little did I know that she would be risking her life to help people.
Fast forward a couple of years to the present day we find ourselves in, coronavirus turning the world on its head. A surreal season lay ahead – a time of confusion, a time of uncertainty, a time of questioning, a time of life and death. In the midst of this reckoning, my daughter, a nursing student on placement, was also doing 12-hour shifts in a residential care home.
You hear snippets of the news: frontline workers succumbing to this horrible disease, nurses dying, carers dying. My first thoughts were, ‘Please, not my daughter…’. Fear creeps in, my heart beats fast, I shake, and I find myself frantically texting my daughter. I tell her that I understand if she wanted to give her job up, I tell her to just come home, I tell her that she can get another job. “No Mum, this is what I’m meant to be doing”, comes a quick reply.
I realised that night that I was not trusting in God over my daughter’s life. I realised that I had allowed fear to have a say. I was worrying about various eventualities even before they had happened. I realised my emotions and thoughts were clouded by negativity and darkness, and I was now trying to control the situation and control my daughters’ path.
2 Corinthians 12:9 reminds us that God has not promised to give grace for every situation we conjure up in our own imaginations, He does not give grace for what-ifs or maybes, but He does promise that His grace is sufficient for what is happening in the present moment. My daughter is not just my child; she belongs to God and God wants to minister to her through me. How can He do that if I am living in fear, what message am I sending to my daughter about the sovereignty of my God? How can I lead my daughter to Christ if my heart is not positioned right?
That night, I stopped begging God to prevent coronavirus from coming near my child. Instead, I started contending for my daughter to experience His love, to be guided by Him and not by me. In doing so, this brought my daughter and I much closer during this season we find ourselves in. It eradicated fear within me, it brought peace, it lit a candle in the dark. My identity in Christ is no more wrapped in fear or an illusion of control. It now is firmly wrapped in courage and trust. For a moment, I lost sight of the road while looking at the wind (Matthew 14:30).
Isaiah 26:3 says “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.” Trust God with your children and you will be at peace. Keep your mind focussed on what He says and not what you see.
Kim Beattie
